“Take action before Lack of Taking Action takes Care of You…” (Part 2 of 3)

Well the cats out of the bag now. You’ve been informed, you’ve heard of the danger, you’ve heard what signs to watch for. You’ve heard the beat of drums calling to be prepared. Are you prepared? Can you start a fire? How about hot wire a car? Have you taken the short amount of time it takes to learn how to deliver a baby? Do you even know how to properly strip a tank?

Come on, I’m not asking you guys to be Rambo here. But wait, maybe I am. I’m asking if you get up in the morning, dry shave with a knife (ladies I could be talking about your legs), look yourself in the mirror and say, “Alright you heaving sexual tyrannosaur, are you ready rip today’s eyes out and piss in it’s skull?”
Well if you don’t maybe you should. Because I bet John Wayne did.

What am I talking about? You have got to be prepared for every day like it’s Z-day! It’s the day that the zombies might come shuffling into YOUR office building and think you look like a KFC Double Down. Are you gonna just lay down and roll over Double Down boy? Hell no! You’re gonna grab the broad sword you keep under your desk and ask “Which of you bitches is gonna cry uncle first!?”
And of course it’s ok to keep a broad sword under your desk! No you don’t have to ask for permission to have it there. Did goddamn Conan ask permission to carry a broad sword? No damnit! He was to busy giving one-hitters* to camels!

*One-Hitter – Common slang term used for a single blow delivered by an individual, usually with their fist, that leaves their rival in a broken mess on the floor.

Well maybe you haven’t gotten to that stage yet. Maybe swords and dry shaves are a little to edgy for you. If that’s the case, I feel sorry for your children. But if you take some of the advice we give you. Then you might be able step up your game enough to make yourself useful to a group of pipehitters ready to make a stand against the zombie hordes.

Since some of you are still having doubts about this, we have decided to wait until the last post to actually give you some helpful training tips to prepare yourself. So instead I’ll start with a list of movies and other valuable educational material you should review to get yourself ready. Don’t let lack of taking action take care of you.

Books

I only own three books and I have two copies of each. These two stacks of books are easily accessible and reviewed constantly. Starting Strength by Mark Rippetoe, The King James Bible, and Max Brooks’ “The Zombie Survival Guide” should be read constantly. The majority of the rest of the information you need is online, that’s where the real magic happens.

Internet

Most of you aren’t really ready to go down the rabbit hole yet, so I’ll spare you. But if you check only one site, check this. Any site that has a shirt that says “Fuck the Revolution, Bring on the Apocalypse” is good in my book. You might even see that it talks about this weekends ZombieCon, you could learn something that might save your life.

Movies

Just a small sample for you:
Rambo 1 – Learn how to “deal” with unfriendly “locals” and “Warlords” when the Zombie apocalypse destroys our civilized way of life. It won’t only be the undead you have to worry about, but those that want what you have. Remember, trust is for the weak, and believe me when I say it will be them that draws first blood, no pun intended.

Rambo 2 – Educational information on how to take out rambling hordes of Zombies with Jungle warfare tactics. (First Blood should have taught you how to deal with our native Northwest environments.) And let’s not forget learning the use of explosive arrows. Shock and awe, Robin Hood style.

BraveHeart and Training Day – These will teach you how to inspire a rowdy mob to make a stand against zombie invaders and also how to run shit in your neighborhood. This will come in handy when blocks become strongholds against Zombie blitzkriegs.

Zombie Land, Planet Terror, and Sean of the Dead are full of shit, That crap won’t ever happen. One viewing of Dawn of the Dead could save your life.
The Old Country Syllabus is also full of movies that will help you find those testicles buried deep down in there. But when all else fails, anything in life can be learned from a Patrick Swayze movie. Even Ghost…

Friday – Get ready for hell ladies, it’s time for Zombie Apocalypse strength and conditioning.

A Carrie and Z Joint Production

16 Responses to ““Take action before Lack of Taking Action takes Care of You…” (Part 2 of 3)”

  1. Z’s right – it’s a slippery slope when you start thinking about this shit and checking online resources. Just remember that when all hell breaks loose, the interweb won’t be online for very long. Analog reference material (e.g. books) will be very useful, but if you need to saturate your brain ahead of time, I also recommend the following movies:

    Last of the Mohicans – Running for days on end? Check. Total badass hand to hand skills? Check. Willingness to shoot a colleague to spare him a painful death? Check. For extra credit, ignore the romance between Hawkeye & Cora Munroe and focus on Magua’s steely resolve.

    Red Dawn – AKA: Leave the security of all you know in an instant. Carve out a life in the woods. Hide family heirlooms. Find time for tackle football, even if a broken bone means certain death. Wage guerilla warfare on a foe that didn’t even factor into your thinking last week. ‘Avenge me boys. Avenge me!’

    Alive – If you’re hungry enough, could you? How to draw upon religious symbolism to assist with carving up the ol’ rump roast.

    • Mo those movies and refrences are so fucking classic I can’t believe forgot them.

      And Mauga is the orignal BAMF… The Dad was a OG as well

      WOLVERINES!!!!!!

  2. The amount of cultural references in this post is outstanding. I dare someone to go parse through this post and find said reference and give a qucik tidbit about it.

    Anyway, Z brought up a certain movie as bullshit which should not be viewed for your zombie survival, Shaun (not Sean) of the Dead. I do agree that one should take information for surviving a life or death situation such as zombies roaming the planet from a movie which main purpose is lampoon the genre. But it does give me one tidbit, a nugget of information. In Shaun of the Dead, the big plan is to rally at the Winchester, their favorite pub. At a key scene, they meet another group of survivors and ask them where they were going. Their response to the military, Shaun’s response the pub. Awkwardness ensues.

    What is the point? I love our gym and I want everyone in our gym to have my back in this last stand of the living. But having the rally point at the gym is just a bad idea. What are we supposed to do, all sit up in the crawlspace above the bathrooms eating Paleo kits. Science shows that zombies will eventually just go away but that might be cutting it close. I like the sound of Johnnie’s plan of rallying at a nice fortified position with guns in a non-centralized location aka a place not crawling with so many zombies the POTUS decides to glass the city.

  3. Nickay is the music at the Yen Wor to loud for your ginger ears. The plan has always been to rally at Forges, Johnny and I have said this before. It was our “Red Dawn Plan” thankfully Mo brought that movie up earlier so I’m not left hanging here.

    But do you know where Forge lives Nickay… Montana….

    How are you gonna get there? To steal a line from Bodhi “There’s cliffs on both sides! I’m not gonna paddle to New Zealand!”
    And neither will you. You will not paddle to New Zealand, you won’t get beamed up by Scotty, and you certainly arent gonna go it alone.

    We need to Mad Max this bitch. The gym is simply a rally point for all of the bad mother fuckers in the area. Then we head out. The gym have large windows, a garage door, and very little high ground. That’d be the worse place to make a stand.

    No my friened we stick to the plan, rally, then get our asses out of town. Don’t let lack of taking action take care of you.

    • So ok our rally point is across a bridge which will be jammed packed with cars fleeing to the mountains? Ok. Sounds like a plan. Also you even state that the rally point is not a sound defensive position. There are better areas in West Seattle to rally my friend (like any place with the Sound as last time I recall zombies cannot swim).

      It feels like you are making this plan up as you go along, I mean what route over the Cascades are we taking? Where will we find fuel? Help me out oh fearless leader.

  4. Fine Nickay you take the Mines of Moria. I’ll see you on the other side if you make it.

  5. We’re going to have to get primal on this.

  6. I think that rallying at and subsequently hijacking the West Seattle Water Taxi is a good startl. Depending on the time of year, we might get lucky and find that we can jack a cruise ship on the other side of the harbor. If not we’ll have to settle for the Bainbridge Ferry which would still make a pretty sick Strength Barge. Now steer that wayward ship South toward warmer seas and consider the GTL. . .
    Fishing for sustenence with Gel in the beards, JagerBomb showers after coastal supply raids- Would you like to be a Post-Apocolyptic Pirate Guido? Well yes. Yes you would. Do you really want to survive in a world where you can’t keep it crispy? THINK OF THE GT-Goddamn-L!

  7. 8 Seconds Says:

    Nickay Nickay Nickay… do you not recall the little on of us all, yes that would be me, grew up running free through the cascades? My knowledge mixed with Grambo’s is all you need to get us through the rest of Washington… I know the area like the back of my hand… you know us kids in Cle town had no electricity or anything like that so we spent our time preparing the woods for a time such as this… as for after Washington we’ll have to look for Johnny or Jess for that one…

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: