Archive for October 29, 2010

“Take action before Lack of Taking Action takes Care of You…” – The Final Chapter

Posted in Articles on October 29, 2010 by oldcountrystrong

Have you taken any of the action we’ve told you too? There’s always a lot of tough talk but not a lot of follow through. Do you think you’re ready to survive the chaos that will be the Z-Day? Have you buried weapons in the backyard? What about gold? In the Zombie apocalypse, everything will fall apart and gold will be our currency (well, that and scalps, but I won’t get into that). Have you stock piled food? Water? Uninfected blood? Well you better damn well start.

And while on the topic of stock piling food, let’s get one thing straight. Ain’t no paleo in the new world my friend. Be clean and live long now, but in Z-day if your ass practically goes dysentery living off of spam and canned beans, you become a liability. I’m not gonna drag your stinkin’ mud butt through the mountains when the runs make you feeble.  If splurging on food is having a piece of fruit, then I suggest you do some diet training. Get one meal from the salad bar at a strip club and you’ll see what your intestinal fortitude is.

That’s what this really comes down to. Are you ready? I think a lot of you haven’t taken proper action. Z-Day could be tomorrow my friends, but it could be next year. Lucky for you it might be next year! Start training tomorrow and pray this Halloween goes the way of the Y2K Millennium scare.

I promised you guys a week’s worth of programming. Well now you can have it. I’ll try and keep this as simple as possible for all of you. This isn’t for the faint of heart though, you gotta be one cock sure Pipehitter to go this route…

STRENGTH AND CONDITIONING FOR THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE

Monday –

“The Wheel”
Your workout will begin at 3:37AM. Your alarm will sound at 3:34 AM. You have exactly three minutes to get your survival pack on, put on boots, grab your weapons, and burn four pieces of paper. These pieces of paper should represent any documents and or IDs/passports you have in the house. In the aftermath of Z-Day, you don’t want any band of marauders being able to figure out who you are or if you’re of any worth. Trust no one, trust is for the weak.

Within those three minutes, you will have also made it outside into your backyard or into your basement. This is where you will have constructed your WHEEL! You will push your wheel until 6:00AM with no rest. Don’t dispute the use of the wheel! My brother is building one for his son. Conan built Mister Olympia sized quads with one and lats that could feed a third world country.

Conan is pretty much a survival guide onto itself:

Tuesday –

Getting gritty is part of the program, so Tuesdays are meant to be spent training like this:

If you follow Rocky’s “Drago!!!” program, Tuesdays will always be a success. Definitely plan on following one of these training days on Christmas and receiving “No money” in return.

Wednesday –

We do two things on Wednesdays…
We Squat and we bench…

And both are done so heavy that your nose should start bleeding. If you don’t black out or rupture blood vessels in your eyeballs at least every other week then you’re really just wasting your time.

Why squat? Stop reading this site immediately…

Why Bench? Because as I keep harping away, in the new world Zombies are just a part of life. We will have to learn how to always be one step ahead of them. But RAIDERS… Vile raiders will try to take what you have. How do you stop them? By using the muscular barrel chest you’ve built up under hundreds of pounds of iron. No raider will stand up to the challenge of a silverback swinging a broad sword while slapping it’s burly pecs. Train hard, train heavy my friend.

Thursday –

Rest
Rest should be spent reviewing material from Wednesday’s post

Friday –

“Freeway Training”
You will spend the day pushing cars. Big, heavy, cars with flat tires. You will deadlift cars by their bumpers. No you can’t use straps for this, only on car shrugs. You will also flip cars. The bigger the car you can flip, the more valuable you are.

Why you ask?
Because once the living dead have had their way, the roads will be a mess. And to travel these you and your crew will have to clear them. And clear them quickly. The faster you can push, pull, or flip a car out of the way, the better.

Saturday –

You should squat. This session should be even heavier than Wednesdays. Your legs should cry for mercy and but your mouth should call for more weight!

After squatting, you should long cycle clean and jerk two 2 pood kettlebells. Once you’ve broke the thirty minute mark you should pick up the pace. Zombies never tire and neither should you.
To round it all out you should spend 30 minutes “Pigging”.

It’s common knowledge that to kill a zombie you must destroy its brain. But in the new world you must be able to do this with your fist. And from mere inches away.

“Pigging” is simple. Go to your local butcher and get some pig heads. Then practice. You must be able to punch through the pigs head and grab its brain from mere inches away. This is not a task that you must only accomplish once. You must be able to pulverize at least three pig heads in a row before a single day’s training is over.

Sunday –

Rest
If you’re lucky, you’ll be recovering for the next day’s training and not waking up to Z-Day. Try this for one week and see where you stand among those ready to defend an America under the attack of Zombie bastards.

You’ve all been warned. We spent a week trying to educate you. Watch for the signs, research the material, train to HTFU. But this is your journey. I can only be your Sherpa… Your sherpa up the mountain… The  Mountain of Zombie Survival. Don’t let lack of taking action take care of you.
 

A Carrie and Z Joint Production