“Take action before Lack of Taking Action takes Care of You…” – The Final Chapter

Have you taken any of the action we’ve told you too? There’s always a lot of tough talk but not a lot of follow through. Do you think you’re ready to survive the chaos that will be the Z-Day? Have you buried weapons in the backyard? What about gold? In the Zombie apocalypse, everything will fall apart and gold will be our currency (well, that and scalps, but I won’t get into that). Have you stock piled food? Water? Uninfected blood? Well you better damn well start.

And while on the topic of stock piling food, let’s get one thing straight. Ain’t no paleo in the new world my friend. Be clean and live long now, but in Z-day if your ass practically goes dysentery living off of spam and canned beans, you become a liability. I’m not gonna drag your stinkin’ mud butt through the mountains when the runs make you feeble.  If splurging on food is having a piece of fruit, then I suggest you do some diet training. Get one meal from the salad bar at a strip club and you’ll see what your intestinal fortitude is.

That’s what this really comes down to. Are you ready? I think a lot of you haven’t taken proper action. Z-Day could be tomorrow my friends, but it could be next year. Lucky for you it might be next year! Start training tomorrow and pray this Halloween goes the way of the Y2K Millennium scare.

I promised you guys a week’s worth of programming. Well now you can have it. I’ll try and keep this as simple as possible for all of you. This isn’t for the faint of heart though, you gotta be one cock sure Pipehitter to go this route…

STRENGTH AND CONDITIONING FOR THE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE

Monday –

“The Wheel”
Your workout will begin at 3:37AM. Your alarm will sound at 3:34 AM. You have exactly three minutes to get your survival pack on, put on boots, grab your weapons, and burn four pieces of paper. These pieces of paper should represent any documents and or IDs/passports you have in the house. In the aftermath of Z-Day, you don’t want any band of marauders being able to figure out who you are or if you’re of any worth. Trust no one, trust is for the weak.

Within those three minutes, you will have also made it outside into your backyard or into your basement. This is where you will have constructed your WHEEL! You will push your wheel until 6:00AM with no rest. Don’t dispute the use of the wheel! My brother is building one for his son. Conan built Mister Olympia sized quads with one and lats that could feed a third world country.

Conan is pretty much a survival guide onto itself:

Tuesday –

Getting gritty is part of the program, so Tuesdays are meant to be spent training like this:

If you follow Rocky’s “Drago!!!” program, Tuesdays will always be a success. Definitely plan on following one of these training days on Christmas and receiving “No money” in return.

Wednesday –

We do two things on Wednesdays…
We Squat and we bench…

And both are done so heavy that your nose should start bleeding. If you don’t black out or rupture blood vessels in your eyeballs at least every other week then you’re really just wasting your time.

Why squat? Stop reading this site immediately…

Why Bench? Because as I keep harping away, in the new world Zombies are just a part of life. We will have to learn how to always be one step ahead of them. But RAIDERS… Vile raiders will try to take what you have. How do you stop them? By using the muscular barrel chest you’ve built up under hundreds of pounds of iron. No raider will stand up to the challenge of a silverback swinging a broad sword while slapping it’s burly pecs. Train hard, train heavy my friend.

Thursday –

Rest
Rest should be spent reviewing material from Wednesday’s post

Friday –

“Freeway Training”
You will spend the day pushing cars. Big, heavy, cars with flat tires. You will deadlift cars by their bumpers. No you can’t use straps for this, only on car shrugs. You will also flip cars. The bigger the car you can flip, the more valuable you are.

Why you ask?
Because once the living dead have had their way, the roads will be a mess. And to travel these you and your crew will have to clear them. And clear them quickly. The faster you can push, pull, or flip a car out of the way, the better.

Saturday –

You should squat. This session should be even heavier than Wednesdays. Your legs should cry for mercy and but your mouth should call for more weight!

After squatting, you should long cycle clean and jerk two 2 pood kettlebells. Once you’ve broke the thirty minute mark you should pick up the pace. Zombies never tire and neither should you.
To round it all out you should spend 30 minutes “Pigging”.

It’s common knowledge that to kill a zombie you must destroy its brain. But in the new world you must be able to do this with your fist. And from mere inches away.

“Pigging” is simple. Go to your local butcher and get some pig heads. Then practice. You must be able to punch through the pigs head and grab its brain from mere inches away. This is not a task that you must only accomplish once. You must be able to pulverize at least three pig heads in a row before a single day’s training is over.

Sunday –

Rest
If you’re lucky, you’ll be recovering for the next day’s training and not waking up to Z-Day. Try this for one week and see where you stand among those ready to defend an America under the attack of Zombie bastards.

You’ve all been warned. We spent a week trying to educate you. Watch for the signs, research the material, train to HTFU. But this is your journey. I can only be your Sherpa… Your sherpa up the mountain… The  Mountain of Zombie Survival. Don’t let lack of taking action take care of you.
 

A Carrie and Z Joint Production

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20 Responses to ““Take action before Lack of Taking Action takes Care of You…” – The Final Chapter”

  1. Rocky’s double unders look as pained as mine do.

  2. The Thunder Says:

    Z-day hey….I need a challenge!

  3. Might I add that everyone should probably start wearing spandex, okay maybe not everyone but I did read on the back of one of Zach’s books that “tight clothes” were a key to survival…if you can’t afford to go by stuff from lululemon I may or may not suggest to start stealing clothing from all the bikers cause we know the majority off them aren’t strong as f*** so they may or may not be some of the first of the “athletic” type if you want to call them that to go, we’ll take this little snidbit from my man Kenny… No offense Tri cause we know you love to squat,

    Terrence Cutler: There’s something you need to know, Kenny. You’re not the only athlete here at Jeff Davis. I happen to be training for a Triathlon right now. Doin’ a lot of running, and cycling, swimming. Well you know all about that.
    Kenny Powers: No actually I don’t. I do SPORTS.

    Anyways, idk about you guys but I’m going to increase my spandex selection like no other

    • None taken! Why do you think I’m in here squattin’, farmer carryin’, and getting beasty?!?! I have seen my fellow spandex wearin’, powerbar eatin’, aero-bar ridin’ “try”athletes… I want to be able to use them as shields when Z-day comes.
      I will work on flipping and rolling cars out of the way, while also practicing throwing “try”athletes for distance and as well as for aim.

  4. 8 seconds Says:

    Also glad gramatical skills are not required or if u read my last comment u know I’d be f’d 😉

  5. I loved this section. Conan is the perfect guide for getting crazy strong to fight zombies. Yes I do plan on building a wheel for Fox and Alura to push, I mean a man this needs his grain milled doesn’t he. But just as important as the Wheel was for strength it helped conditioning. You ever watch Conan, his base is built off running from city to city with Subotai.

    Second, I think to build off of Rocky that we start doing double unders with chains. Yes I said it, CHAINS! Watch the following video, exerecise and a weapon for surprise zombie attacks.

    Finally we need to incorporate in addition to Pinging vicious leg kicks. Break a zombies legs and he is just crawling after you. Ping at your own lesiure. See this training video.

    • 8 seconds Says:

      Agreed nickay! I’ll grab us all some chains when I go to cle elum next!

    • 8 seconds Says:

      Nickay this is for you, and guys this will be what may be said when the day comes, “And together, you’ll accomplish the feat that will be told and retold down through the ages, and find immortality as only the gods once knew. I’m proud to serve with you. Good hunting.”

  6. Z, these zombie threads have brought a tear to my jaded eye.

    You have give us a solid foundation to prepare physically & mentally. Not only has your research been top notch, you have provided your own unique insight and commentary on what will be required to survive the zombie apocalypse. Well done, sir. Well done.

    • It was Mo who opened my eyes to this problem in the first place. He handed me “The Walking Dead” and I never looked back.

  7. James Bevan-lee Says:

    Yeah so Zombies… I dont know what to say….
    I did want to say how much you all mean to me. I know Im not an official bar bell member, which Im ok with. Im young and it gives me something to strive for. Plus, I just consider myself a unofficial member in that I am the unofficial whipping boy of the club. Which I like because it keeps me humble and never satisfied which is the way you should always be. Once your satisfied the fight is over and your done.
    As most any of you know Im leaving for a month and a half for CG basic Training and I just wanted you guys have helped me in every aspect of my life and have kept me focused and level headed when I need it the most. I think you all know what this gym means and what a special place it is. Pain, glory sadness, happiness and more pain. Each day it makes me feel alive and each one of you inspire me to keep pushing myself. I know that no matter what happens I will stay strong at Basic Training because I know I represent everything it means to be a part of our gym and most importantly each one of you. Being a member of this gym and knowing each one of you holds me to a higher standard in all regards of my life. We all have struggles and I have had my fair share since being a member of CFWS and being tied closely to the barbellclub, but I always persevere because of the strength I get when I come walk into that gym. Nothing else matters it puts everything into perspective.
    Im long winded so Im gonna try and wrap it up. There is so much I could and would want to express, but its not like you guys dont already know what Im talking about. Im going to miss this place a lot and I will be so hungry to come back. I know being away will make my feelings even stronger for everything we represent. You dont know what you have until its gone. I will write Z as much as possible and let you know my status. Stay strong Get stronger and continue to fight.
    T

    he hardest part will be letting someone other then you guys give me shit. It just wont feel write. I’m just going to imagine all the drill Sergeant is Z in a different body.

    • JBL-
      By now you’ve made it to your CG training destination! So glad you spent your last civilian night with your CFWS family and even got alittle WallBall WOD in w/ Coach Eric “Dick in the Box” Renn.

      We will miss you and we’ll look forward to hearing updates from Z or hopefully you’ll still be able to post on OCS.

      CG Training’s got nothing on Zach’s programming!
      HTFU! & see you soon!

    • James, best of luck to you, bud. We’re looking forward to updates and how Z prepared you for the big, bad jump into CG basic training.

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