“Just one thing, Dude. Do you have to use so many cuss words…”

When General Patton’s nephew asked him about his use of profanity,
Patton remarked,

“When I want my men to remember something important, to really make it stick, I give it to them double dirty. It may not sound nice to some bunch of little old ladies at an afternoon tea party, but it helps my soldiers to remember. You can’t run an army without profanity; and it has to be eloquent profanity. An army without profanity couldn’t fight it’s way out of a piss-soaked paper bag.”

“As for the types of comments I make,” he continued with a wry smile, “sometimes I just, By God, get carried away with my own eloquence.”

I agree with Patton on this one. Which is why I regularly pepper my eloquent vocabulary with colorful words. A little sass never hurt anybody in my mind. And really they’re just words. If I drop a fucking F bomb is a angel not gonna get it’s wings? I sure as shit think not.

If you’ve ever been to the OCS Training Log, then you may have seen the “Shit my Coach Says…” page.  Below are a couple of highlights I’ve gotten ribbed for saying.

Once upon a 6AM class…
Z: “Can I get my guys to move the tire?”
Guys: ((fiddling about aimlessly around the pull up bars))
Z: “IF YOU HAVE A PENIS, CAN YOU PLEASE MOVE THE TIRE.”

To my assistant Coach
Z: “Just because you have a vagina doesn’t make you a girl.”

While a athlete warmed up their KB snatch
Z: “Your form is personally offensive to me not only because I am your Coach but because you are my brother.”

Again to my brother after not properly dumping a squat and having the bar catch his belt as he bailed
Z:”DUUUUUUDE, you got shot over that bar like fucking Wile E Coyote with a rocket strapped to his ass!”

To a Squatter
Jim: “Was that low enough?”
Z: “Barely legal like an eighteen year old.”

To Ruffles
Z: “New Lululemon gear?”
Ruffles: “Yeah got it for my birthday”
Z: “It’s all matching zebra print… You look like fucking Cruella De Vil”

Again to my Assistant Coach
Z: “A big swinging kip is not gonna help defend you from rape.”

To Baby Bear
Z:”You’re an Idiot”

My gift to the World
“FUCKTASTIC”

We’re rolling into our 6th week of CC and Sectionals are right around the corner, people are tired and nervous. I understand that I’ve given you guys shit and yelled at you for a number of things. And I’m sure for those competing you’re gonna get more.

So here is your chance to Roast Coach. Feel free to get any pearls of wisdom I’ve dropped on you off your chest (earmuffs). Post any of the Shit I’ve said to you in comments. And If you didn’t find it funny HTFU Dirtbag.

Posted by: Z

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11 Responses to ““Just one thing, Dude. Do you have to use so many cuss words…””

  1. Baby Bear Says:

    This is some kind of setup… Im at a loss for words, which is a rarity on this blog. I dont know what to say?!? Im confused

  2. to the throat.

  3. Max Snatch Says:

    In reference to a sketchy video documentation of a record wod time:

    Z: It was all obsured and blurry like a Paris Hilton sex flick

    Everyone: stunned silence

  4. “Roo! sit that big ass of yours down and pull!!!”

  5. oh man…. dont know where to start. but i know if something needs to stick, you gotta make it double dirty 🙂

  6. come on. look at her. you KNOW that Angelina Jolie eats meat!

  7. Z: “Don’t ever say you’re fukin sorry”

    Apply this wisdom to the gym and life in general, it’ll get you far, or in trouble with your spouse, or arrested.

  8. Z: “I run a Crossfit. And I get shit from other gyms for using belts and wrist straps, or just straps in general. But we’re stronger than them so we dont care.”

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