“Yeah, it’s St. Patty’s Day, everyone’s Irish tonight…”

This is usually a day for Guerrilla Lifting submissions. But instead I decided I have to post this email I recieved from my dear sweet Mama Filer about my Pap. You wonder where I get it? – Z

Filer Family St. Patrick’s Day Story

 So about 11:45 Thursday night Michael(My Pap) comes upstairs.

Pap -“Where are the bandaids?”

Ma – “Why? And what time is it anyway?”

Pap -“I cut my arm opening a jar of pickles.”

Ma -“You’re kidding, right? Let me see.”

Long pause…

Ma -“I think you’re going to need stitches. That is really deep.” How the hell? Why the hell?”

Pap -“Still St. Patrick’s Day – was going for something green…”

After searching for big enough bandaid or something appropriate – and looking at cut again…

Ma -“I don’t have anything – what about superglue?” (KIDDING)

Pap -“Yeah, let’s try superglue.”

Ma -“Michael, I was KIDDING (using my best Charlie Sheen imitation.) Besides, I would have to go to the store.”

Pap -“Never mind, I’ll just wrap it up in this old dishtowel and we can decide what to do in the morning.”

It is now midnight and the check-out guy at Safeway looked at me questioningly when I checked out with a tube of Superglue and butterfly closures.

Now before I do this, I’m going to check it out online. Hmm…. closing a wound with superglue… Simple enough – Wash wound vigorously, apply superglue to edges of wound, using fingertips apply gentle pressure to close the edges of the wound being careful to not glue your fingertips to the wound. No problem..

Ma -“Wake up Michael! First we have to wash this out – vigorously.”

Pap -“Ouch!”

Ma -“Quit being a baby.”

Pap -“Wow, that really is deep isn’t it?”

Ma -“Are you sure we shouldn’t go to the ER?”

Pap -“Nah, this is what we used when I was a doctor in the war.”

Ma -“Hold still!”

Pap -“Hold that sumbitch together!”

Ma -“I am – hold still! Shit, I have superglue all over my fingers now.”

Pap -“You’re pulling the hair on my arms.”

Ma -“HOLD STILL! I don’t want to glue my fingers to your cut!”

After a minute…

Ma -“Wow, that really works! Does it hurt?”

Pap -“Not really… Say, did I ever tell you that my great great great grandfather old Stickum Filer invented the first superglue?

Ma -“Not tonight, let’s get it covered up and go to bed, Pickle Man.”

Ma -“By the way, how did you cut it anyway?”

Pap -“I was using the meat cleaver to try to pry the top of the canning lid off. At least I had the sharp end pointing away from my fingers. Think it will leave a scar?”

No comment…

Two days later, wound is closed and looks to be no infection. I would not advise anyone to use this technique unless dealing with a stubborn Irish, German, Russian at nearly midnight on St. Patrick’s Day. But it really works!

Written by: Mama Filer

Posted by: Z

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9 Responses to ““Yeah, it’s St. Patty’s Day, everyone’s Irish tonight…””

  1. Ruffles Have Ridges Says:

    Classic.

  2. (Disapproving nodding)…

  3. In honor of Pap’s accomplishment, I propose that we replace the traditional post-Pipe Hitter’s Classic barefoot basketball tourney with a 24 minute meat cleaver/ pickle jar AMRAP.

  4. hilarious

  5. That was awesome!

  6. haha makes me laugh everytime… the best was zach’s reaction when he saw this picture 😉

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