“So a Priest walks Into a Bar…”

When local badass priest Kate Wesch came to me about learning Russian I gave her the same answer I give everyone else…

“Kate, I’m Russian, I don’t speak Russian. In fact when I was in Russia I was called an “American Cowboy”, sorry I can’t help.”

Then I asked the question that would change my whole day…

“Kate why do you need to learn Russian?”

Kate answered in classic matter of  fact Kate manner…

“Well I need to know how to speak Russian because I plan on becoming a Chaplain at a Russian prison and compete in Spartakiada Games.”

I didn’t register the words coming out of her mouth…

“Z, don’t tell me your not familair with the 3 month-long penitentiary tournament held between 9 different prisons in a high security prison in Arisyk just outside the Siberian city of Krasnoyarsk?”

This sounds like something I should know so I play along.

“Oh yeah of course I know about the Arisyk prison tournament, who doesn’t really (I didn’t)? But wait you want to compete?”

I instantly thought about any movie with any kind of Russian prison tournament. The outcome wasn’t good.

“Kate you’re gonna fight!?!”

“Oh no Zach I gave up fighting when I stopped playing Rugby in College. You train us to Harden the Fuck Up Right?”

“Uh, yeah” (I’m still not use to hearing a priest quote that line to me.)

“We’ll we do all this damn Kettlebell conditioning, and you’re always telling us to protect this house and do the program proud. Well I’m gonna go to Russia and enter the Spartakiada Games kettlebell Division.”

  1. “Your gonna do what?”

    “Protect the house means protect the house Zach…”

    “Well I mean Kate you have a daughter! You can’t just up and relocate to Russia!”
    Kate gave me that defiant Kate look, “Yes I can, Joel (her husband) already said it was fine.”

    “Your shitting me, Joel ok’d this shit?”

    I walk over to my computer and look it up, “Kate look at these fucking Guys!!!”
    “Zach… I’m going. End of story.”

    “Kate, I don’t want to Argue you with you again…”

    “We’re not Arguing cause I’m going.”

    “Shit… Oh look Kate, men only, sorry. Looks like you can’t become a Chaplain at a Russian prison and compete in Spartakiada Games.”
    Kate gives me a Kate look, “I knew Russians were sexist.”

    How did I know this would end up being my fault…

    The End

    Disclaimer: No my good friend Kate wasnt really gonna run off to Russia. But she did bring me all the info and pictures on the Spartakiada Games which are sick. True to the story Kate is a hard case, and I really believe she would try and pull a stunt like this. She did do PipeHitters Classic pregnant last year cause shes a badass.

    Also after further investigation, Spartakiada Games has a tug a war competition! Who’s coming with me?

    Brought to you by: Kate
    Post by: Z

6 Responses to ““So a Priest walks Into a Bar…””

  1. Not gonna lie this is pretty freakin funny!

  2. Do we have to be inmates to compete? I’ll go either way.

  3. Matt Brenton Says:

    SHU program….

  4. Pipehitters wod 6: tug of war with vodka shot warmup.

  5. This is the plot for Rambo 5, John Rambo goes to visit an old army buddy in Moscow. While there a spectator from his stick fighting days sees him and convinces him that he needs to save his son from prison. So commits a crime and while attempting to plan his escape with the wayward son is forced into this contest by the cousin of the Soviet Colonel from Rambo 3. I could see this shit to Hollywood.

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