“I am all that is man!”

I think the only way to follow up on Z’s post from Wednesday is with a little reality check for the men of the Free World?

I’ve been reading the news, I’ve heard the conversation out at dinners and I’ve been watching the trash that TV and the internet throws at us (FX shows like Justified and Sons of Anarchy excluded). And you know what?
A terrible realization came upon me. Men as a species are becoming fucking soft. I don’t know how this happened and on behalf me and Z I like to apologize to our readers for letting it get this far. Enough is enough and its time for a change. But who’s gonna fix it? Your god damn right, We Are. We are gonna undo the damage, focus on getting back to the way things used to be, a time when men wore their mustaches ontop of a unlit cigar wedged in their side of there mouth while they shot whiskey. A Time when Men were Men…

Whoa whoa, I know what you are thinking another Filer rant? Fuckin’A right, Deal with it. We’ve talked about this before but the World didn’t listen. No one wants to hear the truth. Alright than so let’s rehash. What do I mean “When Men Were Men?” I’ve given up trying to nail down a particular era I am referring to. WHY? Because that would be a disgrace to the Men who were Men in their own era, and we don’t fuckin play like that here(Click Here). So lets break down important traits we should look at.

Fashion???
Well the cloths make the man don’t they? A man should not picks his jeans by brand or how they make them look. No he should pick his jeans on how well they allow him to deliver a Roundhouse Kick(Click Here).

You think your gonna be able to kick through the skull of a charging Rhino wearing those skinny jeans Emo boy? I didnt think so and dont tell me Chuck’s jean were too tight. See where I’m from we call that Shit Tactical. You every see him split his pants on Walker Texas Ranger? Fuck No you didn’t, I saw him single handily take down a clan of Rogue Ninjas and the Yakuza in ONE fucking hours time while escaping from a being suspended up side down in a shark tank.

Could Tom Brady’s side swept hair do that? Didnt think so. And I know for a fact that Chuck Norris wouldn’t throw a interception in the Super Bowl to a linebacker who wasn’t even in the NFL in November. Oh, too soon Giselle? Get over it because Chuck Norris can throw and catch the ball. And he’d do it in his boots and jeans probably while negotiating a hostage situation over the phone.

Diet???
It’s time to harken back to a time when men Did Not take the bun off their freaking chesseburger, but the time when men would have a loaf of bread with their steak. I’m talking about eating all you can eat fried chicken and chasing it with a biscuit dragged in gravy (chocalate pudding acceptable substitute). Cooking up a dozen eggs and washing it down with coffee and chocolate milk. Moo Sho Pork and Salt and Pepper shrimp with the heads still on to suck on. That is how men used to do it, some Epic Meal Time shit.

Weather? Oh no it’s raining, I need an umbrella. Fuck that shit, it’s called a jacket. You’re cold? Grow a beard. Health? Oh no I gashed my head/knee/arm, I need to go to hospital. The hell you say! Have a paramedic friends stitch you up, or use super glue, or nothing at fucking all. Ouch I think I have a concussion and my jaw hurts? Take a shot at the bar while watching the fights.  Communications? Want to say hello,  well there are handshakes, there are “Hey fuckers”, and than there is…

That’s just the start of the Revolution. Do you think you know some men who were men? Feel free to post your current choices to comment. And if you can’t think of any then you sound like part of the problem. And if that’s the case maybe you should quit worrying about your fantasy football team and actually train like you still played football.

Posted by: Nickay

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4 Responses to ““I am all that is man!””

  1. “Normally he’s a very Nice Guy. Don’t judge him from this meeting alone…”

  2. my dad worked here:

    They are called “La Casa Caca” and “La Casa de Elephante” cause they’re big as elephants and sloppy as shit.

    E073 FDNY Firehouse "La Casa Caca" Engine 73, East Morrisania, Bronx, New York City
    FDNY Ladder 42 "La Casa Del Elephante"

    he never lifted weights that i saw. instead he used to go in the woods back behind our house and dig up rocks and make walls with them all summer long. cigarette hanging out of his mouth the entire time. If he ever saw me cry he would say “you want a dress with that nancy?”

  3. My grandpa Jay ate bacon and fried eggs every morning and drank coffee from a can. He never learned how to do laundry in his 98 years on this Earth and drove a Lincoln bigger than my truck. Voted Republican because that’s what men did, made mustard gas without any lung or skin protection for the boys to drop on the Third Reich in dubya dubya 2 and never complained about the cough he had his entire life from it.

    He grew up in Kentucky and followed his family to Kansas and eventually Colorado where he worked the family farm to help his family survive during the depression. He never went to college, someone stole his books the first day at UC Boulder and he couldn’t afford to buy new ones so he went and worked for Ford for 35 years instead.

    A desperate man once walked into Jay’s house with a loaded .38 demanding money and food or he would hurt my grandma, my grandpa removed that pistol from his possession and whipped him with it, let the man go, but kept the gun.

    I’d visit Jay in Denver every Summer and he’d put 10-20lbs on me every time with bacon and eggs, steak, fried chicken and milkshakes that he would make himself. He drove fast and liked to date lots of women once his wife passed, most of them were married. He got mad at me once and that was all I needed, he was a man’s man, never complained once in his life about anything. He was a stubborn, tough SOB, but his eyes welled up every time I had to go home in the Summer.

    Great post Nickay

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