Archive for June 17, 2012

“Lions, and Tigers, and Bears. Oh my!”

Posted in Articles on June 17, 2012 by fiman61

There are few more entertaining conversations to witness than a Filer family holiday dinner table wind down. The topics span various issues and they come fast and furious. You have to keep your head on a swivel and be versed in different manners of movies and random facts. As Father’s Day was winding down and the purple drank (aka the suger in a bottel malt beverages Mary brought) was almost gone I mentioned to Z I had heard about a video about a shark eating a giant squid. Z could not believe it so we looked it up and were felt mildly robbed. But that lead to something better, feats of strength in the animal kingdom.

“Gentle Ben”

You cannot have a feat of strength animal discussion without a bear right. Well damn if wasn’t easy to find a video of  a bear attack but hard as hell a video of a bear attacking something other than a human. Let’s face it when you outweigh something by like 800 lbs that really display your awesomeness levels (they are also a tad graphic for my taste). So I kept looking for a bear going after something bigger than it. Warning, there will be a bit of blood in this video.

Walruses are big sons of bitches. They are 2 ton and covered in up to 5 inches of blubber. They are basically tanks. The polar bear to quote Bill the Butcher buried the walrus in it’s own blood. Seriously. And afterwards the bear just nonchalently drags 2 tons around. Gentle Ben my ass.

“He who greets with Fire”

Back when we were young, my family watched a National Geographic special on the lions and hyenas entitled “Eternal Enemies.” The special delved into the constant battles the lions must endure from the hyenas attempting to steal their food. This was the first time I was exposed to the cowardiness of the hyena, later on their lack of honor and feud with the lions was brought to the big screen.

I know what you are thinking, that is a just recreation, the battles could not be that intense. WRONG. The last scene of the “Eternal Enemies” special dealt with what happens when you pissed off a male lion who name is literally means “He who Greets with Fire” which is still maybe the most bad ass name I have ever heard.

This clip is why I always compared myself at times to be a male lion, sure they are bushy mane and can be pretty lazy around Pride Rock but when someone tries to pull their bitch card they reign down vengence quickly in an ogry of violence. This used to be the winner in the Filer family home…until now.


Unlike our previous entrant who was given a name by the local tribe, our next participant has no name because he is a solitary hunter. Because of this I have named him after the Black Panther because well he is a black panther. Technically is he a black jaguar and while jaguars are the third largest species feline and are amazing hunters what you know cannot prepare you for this video.

Where to even start. First, that is a fucking anaconda the jaguar is picking a fight with, the largest species of snake in the world. Second, that is a big fucking anaconda. Third, the jaguar appears to be one who is behind this fight because the anaconda is just trying to get out of there and back into the water where it spends most of it’s life. And it does get to the water which leads to point four, this jaguar jumps into the water after the snake. I mean is this jaguar stupid because he doesn’t releaize that he just jumped into the water after a water snake or does he not just give fuck. Fifth, he pulled an anaconda out of the water, my brain has stopped trying to rationalize what I am seeing. The anaconda attempts to put the squeeze on the jaguar and even gets a lock on it but to no avail. And why did the jaguar do all of this, for his lady jaguary friend watching, for a woman. I wonder what would happen if you ever really got him pissed off.

Time to see you how you would handle yourself in a Filer family free for all, throw down a video of your own to compare with these videos. Please try to make as non-gory as possible.

Posted by Nickay