“What you going to do brother when these 24 inch pythons get a hold of you?”

Funny thing happened to me today at the Sports Medicine Clinic. The effectiveness of Z’s IC training was on full display and I was the product of his mad genius. Because of IC training I was asked oh damn it, there I go again, jumping all around the story without a care for for chronological order. I swear I watch too much Tarantino.  So once upon a time in West Seattle.

So twelve days ago after the end of a power clean/deadlift workout, a bunch of us at the gym decided to do some Aux. tricep work, specifically skull crushers and tiger pushups. First superset went fine but on my second set as I was lowering my first skull crusher well…

That is a slight overdramtization but my right elbow went click click click resulting in me throwing the weight away and run off holding my arm. Sky ran after me did some quick field work and seeing my tricep was not curled into arm told me to take it easy. Pop quiz, what do you think I did next? A). Went to the hospital, B). Went home and iced the injury, C). Went home but tried to hide the injury and ignore it happened, or D). Cowboyed up and not only ignored taking it easy but helped my brother move his stuff out of storage into his new lair. The correct answer is D (Side note: When I told this decision to my boss his exact words were “That seems like a very Filer thing to do”, not sure what he eaxctly meant but I took it as a compliment). Well the swelling around my elbow got bad and became bruised like it had “fallen down the stairs” in a trailer park. So I went and saw gym doc Sky again to work his magic but after a few sessions he thought it best if I went to a surgeon for a consult.

So we are caught up for today’s hilarity. So the nurse starts getting some basic info from me and asks me where the pain is and I show her my elbow which lead to her immediate “Yeah lets get an x-ray of that”. Hmm, not a good start but ok. We get the x-ray real quick and sit down wating for the doctor but first they send me a first year resident to deal with. Nice kid, he was trying hard but he made a fatal mistake. While asking me what type of physical activities I did he went. “Lifitng? Running? Swimming? Tennis?”

Tennis, TENNIS! When was the last time you saw any self respecting ogre play tennis. This resident obviously didn’t pick up on my disgust because he said “Tennis?” again and made a tennis swing. I was about to put to test out how much I could shake the shit out of someone with my arm but I said an internal “Woosah” and said I did not play tennis but did stuff like BJJ before he asked me if I played badmitton. So with my irk levels hovering around Hulk mad levels, the resident looked at my arm and looked at the x ray and went to get the doc.

So the Doctor comes in and for your information Pretty Sports Medicine Doctors (PSM PhDs) do not only exist in sports movies. Anyway the following conversation ensues in the time frame set below.

PSM PhD “Hi, I’m PSM PhD”

Me “Hi”

3

PSM PhD “Let’s take a look at that arm”

Me “Ok”

2

Looks at arm, than at me, than starts feeling arm for injury

1

PSM PhD “So I gotta ask, do you take any steroids?”

Not going to lie, I was kinda taken aback by the question. I told her never and PSM PhD looked at me first with a quick puzzled look but than responded with with an approving nod and  a “That’s good” and went back to trying to diagnose my injury. As she went back to prodding my arm, I began to ponder to myself of the odd nature of the question and PSM PhD’s  reaction. Why would she ask that? And than it dawned on me, if I looked like fucking Edward from Twilight PSM PhD would not have asked that question. No, she asked the question simply because in her opinion my upper body (due to recent Iron Club red nose training) is what the kids like to call “jacked”.

Yes I know it is hard to accept and because I am humble guy I would never try to make such an assetion without supporting evidence but PSM PhD, an uninterested 3rd party who just met me, has confirmed it. People I have pythons, I got pipes, I am the gun show, I am sexy and now you know it. Oh, this one statement not enough proof you. Well, PSM PhD during her examination confirmed I had a tricep tendon tear (fucking suckage) and the resident who was trying to push his Tennisite beliefs on me asked where she felt the tear because he didn’t feel it during his examination. PSM PhD response? Yeah it is real hard to pin point because of all his muscle.” Check and mate.

So what can we take from this story: If you follow Z’s training and hit it hard especially the Red Nose options you will get so jacked up people who see atheletes all day will think you are so huge that you are using PEDs. You will get better results on your lifts and the reap the benefits of “Suns out, Guns Out”. Just make sure you remember to warm up properly with all your new muscle or you will joining me on the DL.

Posted by Nickay

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2 Responses to ““What you going to do brother when these 24 inch pythons get a hold of you?””

  1. Fucking Classic…

  2. Your guns have simply become to large to exist. The tricep didn’t tear as much as divide into two separate triceps. Your arms are growing in the same way that cells reproduce: through division. That’s just basic science. Look it up.

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