“Uh, sorry, Goose. “We” happened to See a MiG 28 do a 4g Negative Dive…”

Three years now we’ve been running PipeHitters Classic.

Every year there are surprises. Every year these surprise show up in different forms. This year the format itself was different. PipeHitters is traditionally untraditional (fuck someone put that shit on a shirt), so in the past we would release some of the workouts and movements before hand. This gave people a chance to get use to some of the weird shit they may see at the event.

Well we decided to can that this year.

The words out, if your doing PipeHitters your probably gonna be lifting and carrying or throwing Heavy Shit. In general we show up to cause a scene. And the event always delivers that.

So when the surly crowd comprised of crews from Oregon, Canada, Eastern Washington and RandomSeattle gym locations started showing up everyone noticed something on the field.


But not just any kind of Sleds, Ghetto Ass Tire Sleds with Rings for handles. It is PipeHitters isn’t? Reebok ain’t putting on the event.

As you can tell from the picture and from the fact Sleds were there everyone was up for pulling that morning.

Traditionally untraditional right? Well even with the cheap nature of our sled construction, sleds aren’t all that odd to see in a competition. And would this be the “Carry” for this Year, “Traditionally” there is always an object carry at PipeHitters. Our First year it was HEAVY fucking sandbags and last year it was the infamous Zercher Walk AMRAP. Was this year as simple as sleds?

I bet some wished it was once we gathered up the crowd for the announcement of the first workout.

PipeHitters is Known for a couple other things as well. You should know your gonna carry some shit, your probably gonna have to squat something, and you KNOW Kettlebells will be involved somewhere if not multiple times.

Now when we were planning the event we figured why not just hit the ground running?

And here we Go…

Workout 1

3 Rounds

Tire Drag
10 Front Squats 135/95
Across the field and Back WAITERS WALK 53/35

15 Minute Cutoff

Now leading up to this years event we had a number of Preseeding workouts sent out to place people in Heats. The workouts cover what we thought would help people in the first workout. They included tests of overhead stability, kettlebell skill and a flat out ability to get really uncomfortable. Besides getting our ducks in a row for Heats, those who placed higher in seeding had a chance to see the first workout performed before they had to do it. That helped when I announce NO one could touch a sled till the call of GO. Meaning no practice pulls to figure out a good strap placement for yourself.

Now those who know me know I’m a Coach. I have a large number of athletes that compromise the I/C’s competition team. Those that have been at any number of the competitions we’ve traveled to probably have heard me drop the term, “Bracket Buster.” When we use that reference it’s talking about someone who came out of nowhere and fucked up the points system. Like where the fuck did that guy come from that just won that workout?

Well workout 1 for the Men was FULL of Bracket Busters. If I was to tell you the number of High Caliber athletes that were gonna get buried in that workout you would have called…

…On Me

Lets address the girls before the men though. The ladies had some Heavy Hitters signed up this year as well. Canada West Buzz Saw Alicia Connors was in attendance. She wasn’t alone though, NorthWest strength powerhouse Kelsey Nagel had made the trip this year along with the I/C’s own tiny Banshee Carrie Winecoff. But none of these girls had locked up the number one seeding entering PipeHitters. Catherine Blanter from Oregon had sealed that up with early submissions that withstood the weeks of times and weights coming in.

Unfortunately for ALL these ladies they would use the same tires as the guys and be dragging them the same distance. Game.

From the start of the first Heat you could tell those tires were not to be underestimated. Though a short distance, some athletes were finding legs tired for Front Squats and Waiter Walks after the initial pump of dragging the tires began to set in. But everyone knew something like this was coming. There wasn’t any quit in any of these women that day.

Our main heat of girls started out like Hell Fire on the tire drags than set in for the grind of the Waiters Walks. It seemed like Kelsey and Alicia were pullin away with it until out of nowhere the slow and steady pace of Carrie started to chip away at what seemed like a dominate lead. Kelsey would be the first to finish in the at Heat followed by Alicia then Carrie in a last round push for the finish. What seemed pretty cut and dry was closer then it appeared after a review of the times. Kelsey had won the workout, Alicia had taken second by 7 seconds with Carrie third by another 5 clicks on the second hand. It was gonna be a Dog Fight for the title this year. And the title was up for grabs with neither of the former Womens champions making a appearance at this year’s event. 

One way or another there was gonna be a new Women’s champ crowned that weekend.

We KNEW there would be a new Womens champ but what about the Men? We had TWO Defending champions competing this year in that division along with a SLEW of Yard Stompers. Jerome Perryman from Oregon had made the trip this year with multiple Crossfit Games trips under his belt. Oregon Crossfit had rolled in Deep with Garret Wales in toe who had tied Perryman in the seeding workouts. The Canadians had come down in force and never count the Peoples champ Skylar Pond out who was back in action for the first time since a shoulder injury.

Ladies and Gentleman you were gonna have to come ready with a mouth guard to compete in the Mens division this year cause shit was about to get ugly.

But what if I was to tell you that the Big Dogs had their hands full in the first workout? What if I was to tell you that one workout was gonna shake up the entire event. Well thats what happened. What seemed so simple, Drag, Squat and then Carry didn’t look to be going down that way on the field. No, in fact that workout was leaving carnage in it’s wake.  And the Big Guns seemed to be caught in the worst of the washout.

Bracket Busters…

I mentioned it earlier but now let’s get to it. As those in the final heat watched the early rounds slug it out, they didnt know what they were in for. Derrek Pratt (that name’s gonna be a recurring theme) seemed to manhandle the workout. And he had stayed off the radar by not submitting score so some may have thought his performance showed this wasn’t one to worry about.

Our Canadian friends didn’t fall for the bait. They attacked the workout with the same intensity as Pratt and made the Waiters Walk seem easier than it was. Maybe those with poor flexibility were the only ones falling behind? It’s so simple Drag, Squat and then carry right?

When the word “Go” sounded over the Bull Horn for the final heat no would could make heads or tails of what was gonna happen. Last year’s Champion Jordan Holland thundered out of the gate. He wasn’t alone though, our first champion Ryan Andrews was looking ready for this one as well. And Skylar Pond and Jerome just looked ready to wreck shop. And they all did, through the first round. Then it happen.

Local names started pulling ahead. I/C boys with nothin more then grit to their reputation jumped out in the lead. Big Matty Brenton, Adrain Strain and Blake Johnson all made moves for the top time. Jerome Perryman answered the challenge and pulled back ahead enough to take first in the workout.

But second, third even fourth in the final Heat weren’t big named Regional competitors. It was guys that decided that if this workout was gonna be a brick wall to throw yourself against they were gonna take the fuckin wall down.

When the standings were reviewed, last year’s champion would be going into the the second workout in eleventh place. If I had told you this is how the day would start you would have called Bullshit on me. The twists just keep coming at PipeHitters and Monday we’ll see what was in store next for our unruly Mob of competitors.

To be Continued – Running the Rack….

Posted by: Z

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