“Get out of my way son, You’re usin’ my Oxygen…”

Well with Two of the Three workouts deciding the route to the finalsin the Books, we had seen more change in the Men’s Bracket but ANOTHER steady 1-2-3 from our ladies.

Well “Change” in the Men’s Bracket is quite the understatement. Besides the Fact that Jerome Perryman was still locked in first, there had been quite a change up. A number of the gritty performances in the first workout weren’t match by those same brawlers in the second workout while a couple of past champs had performed well enough in the ladder to jump right back in it. First year Champ Ryan “HollyWood” Andrews had actually put himself into second and last year’s champ Jordan Holland came back from a shocking finish in the first workout to take first in the ladder and would be looking to make a move back into the top 3.

With all the shifts going on in the men’s side of things, you had to wonder what was gonna happen with the women. Well the first women’s workout was separated by seconds with regards to 1st to 3rd, the 2nd workout likewise was only seperated by a single rep.

But this is PipeHitters, anything can happen and there was an aspect of PipeHitters we hadn’t seen yet and I’m sure some people were waiting for.

“When were the Kettlebells coming Back into play?”

Last year’s PipeHitters had a workout that we had nicknamed “The SoulCrusher.” It was 9-15-21 of Unbroken Double Kettlebell jerks and Burpees. It had a cutoff that most were shocked to hit. How hard could kettlebell jerks be to do Unbroken? I mean they were only 53/35. Well that swift kick in the nuts taught a lot of people to get use to the punishment that kettlebells can hand out.

So when we Brought out a pair of Bells for the third workout demo most let out a small sigh cause “Here it was”. And since it is PipeHitters, we had some surprises that would leave some less then confident in their abilities to complete the workout.

Let’s go Back down the Rabbit hole…

Workout 3

3 Rounds

6 Clean and Jerks 135/95
6 Double KettleBell Clean and Jerks 53/35
6 Double KettleBell Snatches 53/35

The two Kettlebell Sets had to be completed Unbroken. Failure to do your reps without setting your bells down resulted in having to set the set over.

Have you ever tried to complete Unbroken Kettlebell Sets at High Intensity? It feels like your forearms have filled with acid and your gonna SYLO (Shit Your Lungs Out in Laymen’s terms).

Oh… And What the Fuck is a Double Snatch?

It’s when you Snatch two Kettlebells of course….

More then anything, this added a very fast aspect to this workout. In all honesty, the whole workout could be down fast. Barbell and Kettlebell Clean and jerks at those weights move FAST. And Double Snatches (after some quick teaching over in the athelete area) are more like the Kettlebell swing from hell than the Beauty of the single armed movement.

BUT… The whole workout was guaranteed to make your grip disappear faster then a Virgin on Prom night if your weren’t efficient doing any of the three movements.

Pretty much when Nickay and I were planning this I wanted to avoided any gaming out we saw in last year’ss workout (i.e. People waiting long periods between their sets in the final heat before going after it). No, for this particular workout we were looking for one thing and one thing only.

“Nickay I want this to look like a Demolition Derby…”

Girls were up first and let me tell you it was the most excited I had been watching a competition in quite some time.

Now first allow me to state that atit seemed like some competitiors (guys include in this) had never even snatched a Kettlebell, let alone two. But God Damn I love PipeHitters, NO ONE was backing down from the challenge or weight. Curses and scream were plenty but people were gonna get this shit done.

Each new heat from our ladies got More and More intensity. Be it the Kettles or the Barbells, everyone was out to show Gravity what was up.

I/C locals and those just looking for a good scrap alike were pounding away round after round. Unofficially adopted I/C favorite Martha Woodruff (We’ve had issues with the paper work, her being from Canda and all) was the first to completely handle the workout. This mind you with a busted thumb which had seen her have to pul out of Workout 2 to every spectator’s dismay. In case you dont know this… Martha is Strong as Fuck.

And Speaking of Strong as Fuck, it was a personal moment of pride of mine when I/C squat machine Michelle Beckman was the first Girl to attempt and succeed and going Coast to Coast Unbroken with all her Kettlebells, this included go straight through her Clean and Jerk into her Snatches. Game…

But yet again, it was gonna be the top three ladies in the final Heat that put on the show that day. The top three ladies would be close but the Real battle was gonna come down to Kelsey Nagel and Alicia Connors in this one.

I have referenced Kelsey as a Raw force in the strength division a number of times in these writeups. But I also dropped the tagline on Alicia as the Canada West Buzzsaw at one point. Roo who is a very accomplished kettlebeller has mentioned a blankness she notices in Alicia’s workouts before. This is something you see in high level kettlebell atheletes. The ability to just turn off and go. It’s being gritty and grit is a huge part of PipeHitters. 

And when the Demolition Derby in the final Heat started with these two girls it never really slowed down. Both went unbroken through all the movements in their first round before slowing in the last.

Lined up side by side it was quite the spectacle to watch.

It came down to Who would drop their bells first. And after a no rep call on a series of pressed out snatches it would be Kelsey to drop the bells from aching forearms first. While the Canadian Buzzsaw just kept moving to the sound of TIME!!! Kelsey would finish behind her after a recovering from the drop. It was quite the finish between two fierce competitors.

After the show the ladies had put on, were the men ready to answer the horn to match the intensity for this workout? As the Heats began to bang against one and another, the answer was yes for sure.

Unlike with the ladies who were having more issues with the weight of the Bells, it was the grip that was going for our male competitors across the board. But after a number of athletes had gotten knocked quite a bit back after the ladder, now was the time to go for broke.

And they did. Spectators needed to keep their distance as bells were ejected out in front of competitors mid clean or snatch. Guys were kicking Bells, having choice words for judges, and causing a spectacle all over the Place.

A couple of return athletes from last year made up ground on this one though. Chris Schaalo, who was having his first legit competition since a wrist injury would be first done in his heat. And always keeping it Gangsta sans Shirt (but still rocking a belt mind you), Sean Wells of Oregon Crossfit put on quite the display in the Double Snatch.

But much like with the Ladies, it was gonna be the final heat for the boys that was gonna bring the House down. Only 5 were gonna move into the finals and those spots were up for grabs if people didn’t sell out in this event.

And sell out people did….

All method of “Gettin’ it Done” was on display with this one. Some were going for broke on the Bells and breaking up the Barbell. Holland was going with his usual half and half approach of a full sprint followed by a quick rest. While Derrek Pratt (there’s that name again) was the only guy using an outside the knee Clean AND Snatch that I’ve seen since last year’s Kettlebell National Championship in Detroit.

But then there was Ryan Andrews again, Ryan had slowly moved himself back into second place and was chipping away nice and constantly in this workout. Jerome was showing a bit of unfamiliarity with the movements that was keeping him out of the thick of the firefight in this one but that doesn’t mean he was moving slow.

It was anarchy up and down the line of competitors (and I love Chaos). But you could tell which of the big dogs were in their last round. And like what we saw with the girl’s it was coming down to two guys and who would finish first.

Ryan was out in the lead and looking to lock in a first place finish in the workout. He was just finishing up his Kettlebell Clean jerks when the next guy behind him, another Champ Jordan Holland, was just getting to his Bells. Ryan opted to set his Bells down before his snatch, Jordan could hear the crowd yelling for him to pick them back up. Showing a strong back, that does come in handy from time to time< Jordan increased the tempo dramatically on his snatches as he and Ryan raced to finish.


Who had just taken first? It was so close watches had to be checked. But the quicker finish on the last snatch would go to Jordan, Ryan finishing ONE second behind him.

That was the Demolition Derby we were hoping for. 

And with that it was time to cut the field down to 5 Men and 5 Women. Who was going into the finals? Who was close to making it onto the Podium? Was there enough of a point spread for those sitting in first to be knocked off? We’re we going to see our first Repeat Champion at this Years PipeHitter’s Classic? What was the Final workout gonna be?

Everyone gathered up to hear…

To be Continued: “You want me to Do WHAT…”

Posted by: Z

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