“Do you like scary movies?”

It’s that time of the year again, when the leaves change, when men dress like old TV characters and women dress…provocatively. Yes all Hallows Eve is upon us again. But while the majority of the populace biggest decision is what to crave their Jack’ O’ Lantern as or what party to attend, here at Ye Olde Country Strong we take this opportuinty to prepare the people for those things that go bump in the night.

In our first series we discussed the pending zombie apocalypse, resource materials to look over, and the proper training program to survive it. On a side note I would recommend rereading the zombie series. Since we published this guide, spurned by the success of the Walking Dead, there has been a glut of misinformation in the media about zombies. If you think running in a “zombie” 5k from a guy in makeup who you are disallowed from cop kicking in the chest and than doubling tapping is going to help you or that Lori or Herschel’s word of wisdom from the TV show will allow you to survive than you may as well put your head in between your legs and kiss you ass goodbye.

Our follow up series delved into the far reaching vampire problem, lookint at past hunters and imparted important lessons to kill a bloodsucker.

So what terror of the night is the topic this year? Werewolves…

Ha, fooled your ass. We are not dealing with lycanthropes this year (but don’t worry they are a menace and will be dealt with at a future date.) No, this year we decided to focus on a less supernatural foe but none the less dangerous, slashers.

They may jump to the top of the mind when thinking of dangerous Halloween killers, but don’t be fooled. Did you know for every vampire related “disappearance” there is one slasher related death? It’s fact, look it up on google. Now slashers come in all shapes and sizes, from skinny Matthew Lillard in Scream to giant Tyler Mane in the new Halloween. Because of these differences, slashers also have different temperaments and choices for potential victims that our prior highlights of zombies and vampires did not have. So unlike the pending Z-day or vampire assault, not everyone may be affected by the ever present slasher problem. To determine if you could be a victim, here are some key factors you should look at.

Age

Age plays a huge factor in slasher attacks. Unfortunately, the younger you are the higher likelihood of slasher attack. The key demographic is teenager to college student, so we are looking at a range of 15-25. But just because you are not a youngster doesn’t mean you get are out of the woods. The next age group of 26-35 may not be as high but does draw plenty of slasher attention. Depending on when the slasher suffered his tragedy will ultimately show us when he is seeking his revenge. So if said slasher you are dealing with was humilated in high school, there is a good chance your 28 year old may be the target (you also are in the hot zones for vampire attacks, sorry). If you are 35 plus you should be feel pretty safe from a slasher attack UNLESS you meet some of the other key factors such as…

Occupation

What you do as your job plays a huge part in whether you will run into the slasher’s path. The number #1 occupation is student, surprise suprise when looking at the propensity of the young victims. But they are some other professions that always seem to get “axed”

Sorry couldn’t help myself. Let’s see members of the police force are higher risk, this also includes security guards. Teachers, principals, school bus drivers, basically people around the youth also are a precarious situation when it comes to their safety. People in the medical profession are at danger, not only because killers will eventually make their way to the hospital but also because they will try and help out which leads to well you know where it leads.

Location

Making sure you are in the right place is a big factor in your survival. I am a city boy and thank god because the country side is not your friend. Besides not having anyone around to hear you while screaming for help it is also full if large deserted but somewhat enticing houses to walk into. Your cell phone will lack reception which besides not allowing you to check your fantasy football team will almost mean you will be S.O.L for calling for help. Also the countryside seems to be prone to rainstorms which seem to force one into aforementioned large deserted houses. Unless your traveling party has a meddling pot head and his dog this is not advisable.

Also if said location you are visiting has a violent nature associated with it, say an asylum or the site of an old murder, those may be a few places to avoid. But if you didn’t know that already you probably are not alive to read this.

Lifestyle

Alright we all the old standbys but let’s rehash them. These no nos if done in excess magnify the chance of a slasher attack: 1. Alcohol 2. Drugs 3. Premarital sex. Yup, slashers make Halloween less fun. I mean unless you are Tim Tebow, who can really follow those rules.

And whatever you do, never, ever, ever say…

On Halloween we will go through the things you need do in order to survive those darn slashers.

Posted by Nickay

2 Responses to ““Do you like scary movies?””

  1. Alessio - hail from NorCal Says:

    The simplest way to survive slashers: be a slasher.

    • Disagree. Slashers are very territorial. And when they do join forces eventually one of them backstabs the other…literally.

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