“We really shook the pillars of heaven, didn’t we Wang”
It’s time for a serious discussion. This started off as a little joke between me and Z the other day on facebook. But the joke soon turned serious as a heated debate ensued. Witty comments turned to observations to recitation of long known facts. I didn’t know the can of worms I had opened, I didn’t think it was really an argument but I was wrong. Many people have chimed on both sides of the argument, so I thought nay I decided that this deserved a more in depth look. It is a simple premise, you take two people and whom amongst them would win in a fight? Well this should be easy to figure out, whom are our combatants?
The Hulk and Superman? Oh yeah, we’re going there. What did you think this be a battle between, Kansas and Kentucky, go watch Sportscenter. Katniss Everdeen and Bella Swan? Fuck no, get back to hanging out in front of Hot Topic. We need a battle to shake up the world, both metaphorically and figuratively.
Fighting first out the Red, White and Blue corner, he is the most famous superhero in comic book history. He has super strength, flight, heat vision, super breath, super speed, and is neigh invulnerable. He has been saving the Earth since 1938 from the likes of Lex Luthor, Brainiac, and Bizarro. Weaknesses include Kryptonite and being poorly drawn. Standing 6’3″, weighing 225, fighting out of Metropolis by way of Smallville, Kal “Superman” El.
And fighting out of the Green corner, he is the greatest force of nature perhaps imagined. Immeasurable strength, ability to recover almost instantly from an assault, the ability to jump miles at a time, and a wicked temper. Weaknesses include limited intelligence at times and ever present temper. His rogues gallery include the Leader and the Abomination as well constant run ins with the super hero community. Standing 8′, weighing 1400 lbs, hailing from parts unknown, the “Worldbreaker“, the Incredible Hulk.
Now for those of you who have never picked up a comic with the two in it…or watch either of their numerous TV shows…or movies (by this point if you are still shaking your head no you may be on the wrong site), I just so happen to have a fan made mock up of the two in action.
Since we live in a democracy, I put this to the people. Who do you got?
Posted by Nickay
Old Country Strong: Life and Lifting 
March 14, 2012 at 8:17 am
Hulk. Hands down. What kind of jock, hipster roots for Captain Underpants?
March 14, 2012 at 9:00 am
Hulk. Not even close.
March 14, 2012 at 9:52 am
I’ll go for the home-grown hero Hulk. Superman isn’t even a man. He’s an alien from another planet that looks like a man.
I mean with quotes like “HULK SMASH!” and “PUNY HUMANS!” you’ve got to root for him. I mean, “Up, up and awayyy!” is just … well –not as strong.
March 14, 2012 at 11:11 am
Yeah who would want to root for a guy whose motto is “Truth, Justice, and the American Way”. Also the nickname “The Man of Steel” just oozes weakness.
As for the alient comment, true he may have been born on another planet but he was raised by Ma and Pa Kent in Smallville.
March 15, 2012 at 3:01 pm
’40s-’50s propaganda slogans and an antiquated metal alloy does not a badass make.
Steel is no longer the standard for hardness (in the comic book world). Adamantium and Vibranium is where it’s at! DC was never any good at coming up with made-up science. Theirs was always based in some kind of weird magic, i.e. Aqua Man, Wonder Woman, et al.
Superman is as American as my Nissan is American. My truck was designed in Japan and built in Smyrna, Tennessee. Does that stop people from calling it a rice-burner? Nope.
Hulk, the Incredible FTW
[img]http://www-movieline-com.vimg.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/02/ruffalo_hulkface630__120224150716.jpg[/img]
March 14, 2012 at 3:07 pm
you bring up a good point. hulk is just a man. bruce banner. oh shit theres another weakness!
March 14, 2012 at 10:06 am
At first I didn’t know if I could vote for Hulk in this one. Then, I referenced Wikipedia for some more info:
“The Hulk is resistant to most forms of injury or damage. The extent varies between interpretations, but he has withstood the equivalent of solar temperatures, nuclear explosions, and planet-shattering impacts. Despite his remarkable resiliency, continuous barrages of high-caliber gunfire can hinder his movement to some degree, and this has been consistently portrayed outside the comic books, in both live-action films and animation. He has been shown to have both regenerative and adaptive healing abilities, including growing tissues to allow him to breathe underwater, surviving unprotected in space for extended periods,and when injured, healing from most wounds within seconds. As an effect, he has an extremely prolonged lifespan.
The Hulk’s powerful legs allow him to leap into lower Earth orbit or across continents,and he has displayed sufficient superhuman speed to match Thor, and Sentry.”
All that said, I think it would end up in a win for Hulk, or at worst case a forfiet when Superman flys away….
March 14, 2012 at 10:22 am
Oh yeah, Hulk is from New Mexico making him a red blooded American. Another reason to go with him.
March 14, 2012 at 10:31 am
America FUCK YEAH….
March 14, 2012 at 11:14 am
I forgot that Smallville was no longer in America. Clark worked on the farm growing up, your dad probably ate corn harvested by Superman.
March 14, 2012 at 10:43 am
“HULK is STRONGEST Ever!!!!”
Hard to argue with the guy. He pretty much is the base line for force of nature rage maniacs everywhere.
Juggernauts rad but Hulk would treat him to a rough night in county.
Bane was bad enough to break Batman in half but wouldnt last two seconds against the green machine.
And those guys are fucking BEAST!!!!
Fucking behemoths who stomp across the world causing carnage and anarchy. Pretty much badasses to behold the ages, but they aint got shit on Hulk. And the best defense that the super HERO community can muster is fucking Superman.
Nobody has ever killed Hulk. Pretty sure SuperMan got smoked by DoomsDay
OH!!!!! To soon?
March 14, 2012 at 11:19 am
At least Superman can protect his women. Betsy Ross. Killed. Caiera. Dead. This guy has almost as bad as track record as Wolverine.
March 14, 2012 at 12:06 pm
I guess that Duncan and Connor McCloud were bitch made punks then too if we’re using that as a guide stick
March 14, 2012 at 12:37 pm
Well, since you put it that way. Also I don’t remember the Earth tricking Superman into a space shuttle to transfer him to some other planet to avoid him destorying said planet. The Hulk got marooned like Khan from Star Trek II.
March 14, 2012 at 1:16 pm
Yeah the word here is “tricked’ cause the Hulk wouldn’t just be chased outta town by a bunch of old fossils playing with there “Mr.Fantastics” while scheming how to get rid of the guy running the show.
Hulk ran shit there they all just lived there.
They could have guilted Superman easier then Cyclops into that shuttle. Fuck Superman would have just flown away with his boy scout ego scarred cause people didnt like him.
March 14, 2012 at 2:48 pm
Remember the basement scene of the pawn shop in pulp fiction? we all know what happens. just imagine the hulk as marcellus wallace but without the help of Bruce Willis(who obviously unbalances any matchup when he comes to the fight). Furthermore, nice sly move with WW Hulk. you wanna get crazy?! fine. Superman Prime here is his dossier in case you arent familiar. http://superman.wikia.com/wiki/Superman_Prime
No true American would try to destroy his own country. and woe be to those who try.
America?! Fuck ya
March 14, 2012 at 3:09 pm
Hulk didnt try and destroy America, he was just known to fuck shit up from time to time. I believe your so called “Super”Man has caused just as much damage as the Hulk.
And before we start talkin about getting out the gimp let talk about a little something or someone.
DoomsDay, you the Big fuckin Grey guy that smashed snuffed super man out like a 8 Millimeter movie.
Yeah if you dont remember the guy look him up. And while your at it take a look at Grey Hulk and tell me you arent setting yourself up for heart break.
March 14, 2012 at 3:39 pm
doomsday is irrelevant to this topic.
professor hulk would definately mess some shit up.. but <superman prime. This is my point. i think the OG version of green hulk and superman are the more important matchup. none of this fancy shit.
also which universe is this in?
March 14, 2012 at 3:45 pm
and you cant really say doomsday beat superman cause they killed each other. one just happens to have the ability to come back from the dead every time he is killed. i digress, still irrelevant!
March 14, 2012 at 4:35 pm
Yes, they killed each other but DoomsDay recovered much quicker. He didnt have to come back from the “Dead” or say good buy to his “Dad” at the pearly gates. His “death” was just hibernation. He was simply made to keep Destroying, never die and slay ass for for.
Much like the design of Hulk. The more Hulk gets Hurt, the Angrier he Gets, and that leads to him getting STRONGER.
In the wake of such destruction Superman like Theoden would ask, “What can men do against such reckless hate?”
Because thats Supermans flaw. Hes not human but wants to be so he will try to live up to some ideal he made up about people. This “Ideal” will be his down fall. It’s why in dark times he’s had to inlist Batman to do his dirty work. Because quiet simply his boy scout morals get in the way of getting shit done. Hulk doesnt have this flaw.
Long story short, the battle would be epic but Superman gets skull fucked in the end. Unless he tries some bullshit like spinning the world backward to undo the creation of the Hulk.
In which case Hulk would punch into the center of the Earth and stop it’s backwards spin.
Its just science bro
March 16, 2012 at 8:09 am
Ha! Looks like he has a Safeway logo on his chest.
March 14, 2012 at 4:25 pm
To beat the Hulk, you need to use angles, distance, and strategy, all tactics Superman used to beat Doomsday without dying the 2nd time they fought. Green Savage Hulk vs. Superman there can be only be one winner…Superman.
March 14, 2012 at 5:39 pm
the most important aspects of any battle. Speed>Intelligence>strength.
Supermans ideals dont play into this because we are doing a fight to the death. ie we put them both into a mini universe, tell them who ever loses will have their universe raped, pillaged, and destroyed for eternity, and then see who defends their universe by killing the other. This removes any ideals problems because now they have a reason to kill each other, otherwise they would have no reason to actually kill each other, much like prior meetings where they just smack each other around a little… like to jupiter
Speed, frost breath>slows hulk more, as well as all you have to do to beat hulk is show him a pic of his damn dead woman and hell cry and turn into bruce banner. pfffft
March 15, 2012 at 9:31 am
Superman. duh.
I am not expert on comic shit, but I do know that:
1) He can make the earth change rotation and manipulate time all while he wears tights and a cape = confidence and skill.
2) He emigrated to America and made it better/safer = AMERICA.
3) He is modest yet can burn shit with his eyes = watch out bitches
4) He is a reporter = he is smart and can write sentences and shit and will outsmart you
5) OK one last point – nothing kills him except kryptonite. You think the hulk even knows what that is?
The hulk is a little kid throwing a tantrum and superman is the cool, calm, collected daddy putting him in time out.