Archive for October, 2011

“You keep your eyes open. They’re everywhere…”

Posted in Articles on October 30, 2011 by oldcountrystrong

Happy Halloween folks, so you made it through the weekend. But if your survival through this Saturdays festivities has you doubting the coming Vampire Apocalypse maybe this will help.

One thing I’ve learned in life Geoffrey Desmoulin is not to be fucked with. Zombies ain’t got shit on Vampires.

So ends the Lesson…

A Z and Nickay Filer Halloween finally Joint

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“You aim for the Head or the Heart. Anything else, is your Ass… “

Posted in Articles on October 27, 2011 by oldcountrystrong

This is it, this is your last chance to listen before the weekend hits. You think this shits gonna be like Thriller? Fuck no it’s not. These aren’t dancing Zombie’s we’re talking about here. Organized undead hate, we’re talking god damn Vampires. These thing don’t just want to eat you, they want to turn you, they want you to turn your friends, your families, anyone you’ve ever known, anyone you’ve ever fucking loved.

You take the prey drive of a wolf or a lion mix it with the though process of Charles Manson, that’s what you’re dealing with.

And dealing with it won’t be pretty, you’re not double tapping a Vampire and walking away. “Two in the head make sure their dead” aint cutting it with Nosferatu. You need to unload a silver clip in it’s face and chest then drag that fucker out into the light of day for its last painful moments.

We haven’t spent the last week getting you up to speed just to teach Vampires a lessons in humanity. Vampires ain’t got no humanity. They’re mass murderin’ fanged maniacs and they need to be Dee-stroyed. That’s why any and every son of a bitch vampire we find, well they’re gonna die.

If you’re lucky enough to come out the other side of the tunnel this weekend then you need to start preparing to go on the offensive.

The Filer boys are ready to let you in on some Trade secrets. If you’re wise you’ll listen, our track record speaks for itself (How many Vampires live in West Seattle? Exactly). If you haven’t heard we ain’t in the prisoner-takin’ business, we in the killin’ VamPRICKs business. And cousin, business is a-boomin’.

The Hunters Guide
Top Ten Ways to prepare

#1 – Learn Kung Fu
That’s right, Kung Fu. Not karate, or Jiu Jitsu, or boxing. Kung FU, like straight up Bruce or Jet Lee shit. Because you know what? It seems every fucken Vampire knows that shit. And they are dialed in. If Muhammad Ali floated like a butterfly and stung like a bee, Vampires float like a Black Hawk and strike like a fucken Seal Team. And its not with hooks and jabs. These fuckers are throwing spinning back fists and bicycle kicks. If you lose your element of surprise, your hunt is going to become hand-to-hand combat real quick, so you’ll need to know how to use your mitts. But this does lead to the next point…

#2 – This isn’t a knifefight, this is a “Bring a gun to knife fight” World

Vampires like any good predator rely on their god given abilities to bushwhack their prey every chance they get. Well you need to be ready to do the same. You need realize this is a war, and the point of war isn’t to fight honorably and die for one’s cause but to kill the other guy without dying and that means fighting dirty. Vampires can’t leave their nest in daylight? Good. That’s when you hit the fuckers. You find the Vampire sleeping in his nest do you wake him up for a fair fight? You wake him up… with 18 inches of Northwest lumber though the heart.

#3 – You’re gonna to need guns, lots of guns


(And don’t ever let someone tell you this shit won’t work without Rick Jamesing them)

#4 – Close combat weapons (I’ll take Swords for a thousand)

You already know karate, your hands are deadly weapons, lets up the ante. Blades are good, katanas the best… When it comes to Swords. But we’re American, we don’t need a katana. For one it’s hard to make your rounds at the local watering holes with a God Damn Honzo Sword strapped to your back(which you can pick up for 250 bucks in El Paso). Us local Hunters rely on the same blade that took down Dracula. Thats right, a fucken Bowie knife. Any hunter worth his salt should be able to take out an approaching vampire with a Bowie Knife. And when you reach the apex of your hunting…

You should be dropping one liners with a Austrian accent.

#5 – You don’t need to look like Tarzan but you do need to fight like a lion

Hunters come in all shapes and sizes, some are chiseled like Blade but many are not. It’s ok, a six pack is not necessary to kills Vampires, functional strength is.  In your spare time from sparring in the dojo, sharpening your weapons, or throwing one down at the bar you need in the gym be working on cleans, jerks, and squats to become a power athelete. Bench press to throw a bride of the undead through a window and into the sunlight. Sledge hammering to build the muscles up to decapitate your foe. There is one muscle you really want to train and that is…

#6 – Traps

What’s the best way to prevent a Vampire from biting your neck? Having so much muscle they don’t get the jugular. Traps are the armor the protect neck. Theres a reason they dont outfit crash test dummies with traps. Cause there’d be no impact to register after slamming that test car into the wall. Shoring up your brain case with thick developed traps is like turning your upper body into a fucking Sherman tank. Vampire tries to mount you from behind like a horny teen, shrug that blood sucker off and go to stake town on his ass.

How do you take that fragile vine neck of yours to Ogre status? SHRUGS, lots of them. I’m talking about investing in a power rack in your room so the first thing you do in the morning is get up strap on a belt and hit some ten plate shrugs. No I ain’t joking, directly out of bed to the rack. I dont care if your standing there in your birthday suit with a 3 ply belt strapped around your waist. Shrugs every morning. And this is like brushing your teeth but you best not forget, you gotta hit them in the morning and evening.

#7 – Transportation

You need a hard top ride with a jack rabbit engine, four doors, a tow winch, and plenty room in the back for weapons and the occassional body. More importantly, it needs to be reliable, don’t be that guy.

#8 – The Cloths make the Hunter

There’s one thing ever hunter needs, a Leather Jacket. Skins are a hunter best friend. Easy to hose off (cause this job gets messy, real messy) and anybody walking around in a leather that looks like its been through Fallujah is not to be fucked with. Vampires recognize it and any drunk frat boy should as well or they’re likely to end up on the wrong end of a black jack (never hit a human with your hands, especially your shooting hand one broken finger can be life or death if a vampire is waiting).

#9 – Brass Balls

This shit ain’t for the faint of heart. Vampires are fear embodied. You need to be ready for anything and everything when on the hunt. You walk into a room and there is arterial spray all over the walls, chunks of flesh on the floor, and the Vampire is a little girl, it’s easy to lose your way. Even if your best friend dies, you need the resolve to finish the job. And the best way to draw strength is in numbers which why you need…

#10 – A Solid Crew

A Hunter without a crew to back him up will find himself as the main course at Vampsgiving. And that’s what we’ve been trying to do this week. Wake you fuckers up to see the Real World. It’s not sun shine and roses. It’s ugly and if your not watching its gonna bend you over and suck you dry. The I/C still believes in Truth, Justice, and the American Way. If you don’t you may as well let Vampires and terrorists run the show but We aren’t gonna let that happen.

We’ve crammed as much info into this week as wee can to get you ready for this weekend. It’s up to you to make the choice if your gonna roll with it or not. You could be part of a solid crew, but right now your still so wet behind the ears you cant tell a meth head from a blood hunger Vampire. Time to wise up and sharpen that bowie knife my friend. We aren’t talking about playing keep away here, we’re talking about talking the fight to them.

The Best Defense is a Good Offense. Figure this shit out quick or you may wake up one day and find yourself extinct…

A Z and Nickay Filer Joint

“Grow up Count Chocula…”

Posted in Articles on October 25, 2011 by oldcountrystrong

We prepared for the Zombie Apocalypse last year with one thought in mind.

“Take action before Lack of Taking Action takes Care of You…”

We taught you how to train, how to think, how to be prepared. Well we’ve learned from our mistakes. The Club isn’t some group of freedom radicals hiding in the foothills of Montana, living on MREs and whipping our butts with bark waiting for something to happen. No we’ve been on the ground with our noses in it since the whole thing began. We’re not waiting to take action, so grow up and grow a pair Count Chocula. We’re Americans, and Americans are winners. If we want to survive the Vampire Apocalypse, we need to stop the Vampire Apocalypse.

Did Rocky wait for Drago to come to him? Did we wait for the Germans to Bomb Pearl Harbor Again? Did Bodhi really wait for his set or did he go out and fucking get it!!!

We are gonna take on this Vampire problem the American way, “The Best defense, is a nutt kicking Offense…”

Nickay and myself have spent our whole adolescent and professional lives preparing for this. People thought our Mother reading Anne Rice to us was odd, that listing to vampire novels on cassette on family road trips was weird. It wasn’t, it was invaluable. We know every fact or fiction about Nosferatu (you know what Dead Man Blood is? Thought so). And it wasn’t just books and legends that we learned from. It was the Hunters immortalized on film that came before the Club where we really learned the bones of the Trade. Below is a true life group of who’s who in Vampire Hunting.

The Hunters Hall of Fame

#4

This Hunter’s story is somewhat overshadowed by involvement of his younger friends and eventually the Legendary Abraham Van Helsing. But this Hunter’s youth could not stem his hate of the Vampire Nation. His inner rage and tendency for vigilante justice on Vampire and bully alike would later find him a number of stays in federal correctional institutes. He would drop of the grid all together in his mid twenties and is believed to have been picked up by the Company to head up their efforts to stop the Apocalypse in Cambodia. Who am I talking about?

Rudy:

#3

You’ll find with most Hunters that attitude is part of the uniform. You saw Wild West Hunter Jack Crow give us his take on Vampires on Monday. But old Jack ain’t the only Hunter patrolling the Southwest. There is Seth Gecko, an Outlaw on the run who found himself held up in a Strip Club (what’d we tell you about sketchy locations) full of Vampires in the spawning of his career. He would lose his brother but eliminate a major Vampire stronghold due to his efforts. Seth disappeared into Old Mexico where he continues his bloody campaign against Vampires to this very day.

Seth Gecko:

#2

As fate would have it,  the Gecko’s weren’t the only ironically named brothers to find themselves at odds with the coming Vampire Apocolypse. These next Hunters are a bit closer to us here in the Northwest, hailing from Santa Carla, California. Much like Rudy these two started young. But unlike our Seth Gecko, they put themselves willingly in the Vampires paths.

The Frog Brothers:

Edgar and Alan Frog took a stand in a town that was letting Vampires walk all over it. After their stint in Santa Carla, the Brothers would go off the reservation. Alan’s body would show up years later in an alley in Phoenix with a Stake in his heart. Whether it was Edgar saving his brother or simply Vampire retaliation is unknown. What is known is that Edgar has made his way back to the shores of California and is still active but very much a recluse.

#1

All the prior Hunters shared a common theme of going underground to fight the good fight. Be it heat from Vampires or the FBI/Federales sick of dealing with the aftermath (a tragic necessity in the offense against the Apocalypse), all are forced to go dark. Except those that refuse to hide. For some the need to hit radio silence is a neccesity to continue the fight. Others spit in the eye of anyone that tells them what to do.

This last group is as public as they are clandestine. No group of Hunters has made more news stints then these three. But any Hunter worth their salt should sit back and take notes. They may not always get along but they get the job done.

The Night Stalkers:

Hannibal, Abigale, and Blade (thats right the hall of famer, if you need a refresher course, wellI don’t knowhmm) take the fight out of the shadows for everyone to see. The only time they are off the frontlines is when they’re regrouping and thats never for long. Look at their track record, you can’t argue with their results and are the standard for why a the best defense is a good offense.

You know the enemy and how to spot them, you know those that became before you. Friday let’s get down to business…

A Z and Nickay Joint

“Psychos do not explode when sunlight hits them, I don’t give a fuck how crazy they are”

Posted in Articles on October 23, 2011 by oldcountrystrong

So as Halloween dawns on us, we here at OCS have a confession to make. Last year we explored the impeding Zombie Apocalaypse, how to determine when it has occured , sources to strengthen the mind, and tips to harden the body to survive of this horrific event. You may have been taking this advice to heart, creating your contingency plan for the inevitable.

Yeah about that, listen, uh well… We fucked up.

I’m sorry, I really am. We got it all wrong, we misread the signs. There is not going to be a Zombie Apocalaypse. But before you let out a sigh of relief realizing you will not have to live through a George Romero movie, it’s actually worse. What can it be worse than hordes of the walking dead stalking the land messing up your week….

That’s right, fucking vampires.

Hey hold on with all the yelling, this could have happened to anyone. It’s not my fault. The morgues start filling with dead bodies with people who look like they have been mauled by an animal and than said bodies disappear, zombies was a very plausible conclusion to draw. So I didn’t ask if any of the victims were attacked during the day or if the victim’s blood was drained, honest mistake, could have happened to anyone. Now is not a time to freak out, every scary movie has at least one member of the group who get’s killed because some motherfucker loses his cool and shots someone else. You need to stop dwelling on the past and start focusing on the terrifying future. The undead will be soon sweeping across planet like a wildfire but unlike the mindless walkers you worried about on “The Walking Dead vampires are ruthless and organized, remember our mantra; “Take action before lack of taking action takes care of you.” 

Unlike Z-Day which would likely start in a major metropolitan area before hitting the Pacific Northwest, the vampire apocalaypse could start anywhere, from the sprawling major city (Seattle) to rough and tumble big town (Bend OR) to the quaint small hamlet (Cle Elum). Because it could strike anywhere, you need to be on your toes for the bloodsuckers and we need to go over warning signs. First there are some Specific Places you should not be visiting anytime soon (or ever again): Blood banks, raves, swimming pools are a good start in bigger cities. In smaller locales try to avoid the scary mansion on Shadowbrook Lane or basically any place isolated from the rest of town, the isolation makes these places the appetizer of the vampire assault. Besides these easily detected dens of the undead, you should be on the look out for places with weird glyphs on the outside, soundproof walls, and entrances requiring going down a flight of stairs (basically basements are off limits).

Maybe you’re saying, “But I like techno, and Basement bars are my thing.”
Maybe your thinking I’m smart, I know the signs, I’ll be fine. With an attitude like that you’re likely to disappear like a virgin on prom night at Sunnydale High and end up some Suck Puppies Cabana Boy. Doesn’t sound like a bad way to spend eternity until you realize you’re a 300 pound cross dressing vampires love slave and nosferatu aren’t know for being gentle. Doesn’t sound so awesome now huh hot-shot.

No, if you even knew something about vampires that’s be something. But you don’t, you know less than nothing. And the fact that you know less than nothing makes you a liability. If you choose to turn a blind eye to what we tell you that’s your deal. The herds gonna thin itself out when the shit really hits the fan, one way or another.

Think you don’t need advice? Think you know your shit? Keep a look out for a pair of fangs, a lack of a tan, or maybe a scrunched up brow. What do you think this is amateurs hour? How are you supposed to help stop this shit from happening with thinking like that? You Help? Look at your thought process, like a scared kid pretending the boggy man isn’t in the closet. You’re not ready to roll with this. I mean, I see how people dress to bang now. Five Finger toe shoes? What the fuck, is that’s supposed to be tactical?

Here’s a Hunters outlook to what you need to wrap your thought process around real quick…

Major problem, mainstream media has lied to you. They got you thinking all kinds of dangerous thoughts, like that vampires shine like diamonds, that they have feelings, and other bullshit like that. “Oh I such a tortured soul Bella, I can’t stand seeing you with that Jacob, I will fight him with my two little fangs“. That shit is going to get you killed and worse get a member of the Club killed. Your vampire apocalypse is going to have two main types of vampires to watch out. First is this guy…

If you see a 6’2″ white skin mother fucker with eyes like they are full of oil and a mouth like that of a Tiger shark, congratulations you have found a vampire. But this guy is easy, he’s the foot soldier. He’s like spotting a T-800 endoskelton walking around causing a ruckus. No the ones you need to be on the look out for are the less than obvious ones, the ones that can pass off as human.

So let’s what should I be asking myself about this guy I just met at the bar. Are his clothes musty like he sleeps in them? Do they look like he has been lying on the ground…or under it? Does he keep talking about the time had Norwegian Sailors with William H. Bonney?

What about this hot and slutty girl all over me, is she too hot and too slutty for this place? If she was in South Beach her outfit would work, but not at the Alki Tavern (another place you should avoid). Does she have a stain on her dress which she claims is red wine but has a copper smell to it? Does she never look in the mirror? Is she too physical…you know what I’m talking about. These are warning signs. Lets face it, the inflitrator vampire is out of your league. Ignore these choices and there is a 10% chance you get laid and a 90% chance Z will be yelling at Roo “What’s in the box?”

Finally, let’s go over some vampire traits. Super strength? Check. Night vision? Check. Extraordinary smell? Check. Oozing sex appeal? Remember this only occurs half the time, see above. Has feelings for humans other than hunger aka soul? Only one vampire has had a soul. Speaks a weird lanaguage referencing La Magra? Check. Shines like a diamond in the sunlight? Alright I need to put this one to bed. Vampires do shine like diamonds…for a quarter of a second before they start on fire. The ultraviolet spectrum of light burns vampires, end of story. If you want to believe that  Twilight bullshit go get into someone else’s fox hole. Anyway now that we can identify the enemy next installment we will call on the masters on how to kill the children of the night.

A Z and Nickay Filer Joint

“You got the Moves like Who…”

Posted in Articles on October 20, 2011 by oldcountrystrong

Week 3 and the end of this short but heavy hitting Cycle are upon us, can you even remember what happened last week? Lucky for everyone Roo does, and she tossed another little video together for us all so we wouldnt forget…

Video by: Roo
Posted by: Z

“We are Game…”

Posted in Articles, Lifestyle on October 18, 2011 by oldcountrystrong

Game…

In fighting dogs gameness is valued as it gives the dog the ability to always stay on the attack. I toss out the term all the time. Some people might confuse when I simple state Game as some kinda silly “game time” reference. No when I state Game, I’m referring to the Stand Fast never say Die Attitude that many GameBreed dogs have.

I look for that attitude in my athletes. It’s almost impossible to teach Game. You either have it or you don’t. Most people have it laying dormant inside them though and just need it nurtured. I know this cause it’s my job. I’ve been able to bring Game out of more middle aged house wives then X-college athletes then I can count.

Why?

Because people genetics can carry them far. To scholarships, money, fame. But you can see it in top athletes all the time. When their skills become compromised they fold. Then you see those that have Game. They don’t fold, they’ll break their back for the team or their Coach because thats everything they have to offer. They may not have the genetics, natural strength, speed or endurance of some people. But they’ll chew on the inside of their own cheek to grit through pain in training, why? Because they’re Game, and in my life I’ve found those that are Game are the ones you break your back for because they’ve broken theirs already for you.

This whole article came from the video below. I’m a fan of Rob’s and the video is worth watching.

What exactly about this video sparks this article you might ask? It’s Orlando’s Gameness and the fact that he shares a very similar problem to myself and a number of athletes I train. I’m referring to Orlando’s “mental block.” Yeah Rob doesn’t pull the lift. But did he quit trying. Fuck No. Did he try pulling again. Fuck Yes. Did he know going into that training session that he might not hit the lift, yeah probably.

But did it stop him. No it didn’t. He could have easily told the crew that he didn’t want to do the demo. How many of you have that same problem? You can pull some HEAVY volume but find that “mental block” on those big pulls. Is it a bad thing? No, I think it keeps you hungry. I think it’s part of being Game. If shit was easy for you it wouldnt matter. I know personal my deadlift pisses me right the fuck off. I can pull 405×10 but still only pull 475. I feel like I should have been at 500 a year ago. Do I give up? No. Do I hate lifting and think it stupid cause it’s hard? No. I do this shit cause it’s challenging and allows me to challenge myself.

I say it all the time. We lift Bars, Bells and our own Bodies to bring that challenge to ourselves. And maybe on a given day you don’t exceed the challenge that you or your Coach laid at your feet. But by god your gonna fucking try. It’s why we train.

We are Old Country and we are Game…

Posted by: Z

“Dude I think he said Somethen about your Mom…”

Posted in Articles on October 16, 2011 by oldcountrystrong

New Zealand beat Australia 20-6 to reach the Rugby World Cup Finals. They will meet France (who defeated Wales) in a rematch of the inanugral Rugby World Cup Finals October 23 at 9PM (New Zealand Time, I have no idea what that is PST).

Go Blacks…

Posted by: Z